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I just quit giving a shit. Not about my family, married bbw Columbus but about myself and what I wanted. People do that, don't they? Sacrifice for the greater good? Lose their sense of themselves because they're too busy achieving? lol...so pathetic, I know. I don't think people do, why would they? It worked, though. But the consequence of that decision is I no longer know whether what I feel is a lack of feeling, for her, or a lack of feeling period. And that got me thinking... Just what is love? Is it caring for the well being of the person you're with? I do. Is it attachment? I have that. Is it the fear of having to start over so you stay because that's been all you've ever known longer than it hasn't? Seems legit. So why haven't I been able to make love to her? I literally can't. That desire left the second I found out another dude's dick was where mine belonged. But I'm not angry. Cynical, maybe. Jaded, probably. Divorce still isn't an option, so what am I supposed to do? Those "butterflies" people feel, that's just tingling in your gonads, hormones if that doesn't paint a vivid enough for you. It wears off quickly. Why do people , anyway? I mean, why get married if you're just going to up and fuck someone else when you get bored? Seems like a douchey thing to do...until it happens to you. There's an ad in CE posted by a chick whose husband's only infraction is he works hard and is out of town a lot and she's looking for someone on the side. I mean, he's doing what [we're] taught is our responsibility as men, to provide for our family by any means, we do this and because we're not available enough to pine over and put up with your shit x / x , some other dude gets the opportunity to swoop in and enjoy all of the fun shit while dodging the most annoying aspects of having a wife and we're supposed to just accept that? That's if we even find out. That chick is preggers too, so if her husband finds out what's he supposed to do? Leave her? Make her a single mother. His fatherless? All because she couldn't keep her legs shut or buy a vibrator? Or should he do what I did, put on a happy face, be a man, and get the fuck over it? Tough choice. Believe me. So if we can't 'em, why not join 'em? [Ah, the point emerges] Why not? Sex is obviously meaningless. So I want to enjoy some meaningless sex, but as a social experiment on the side, I want to actually see if it's possible to "fall in love" again, just to prove I'm not a heartless bastard and then make love, just to give the sex a little meaning. The only difference this time, it won't be ruined by monogamy. I've come to realize in my many years of marriage that love is chemiy no different than picking up a for the first time, or eating some really good hotwings. But that eventually grows into a loafing fartbox that knocks over the trashcan rummaging for scraps and up shoes and really good hotwings inevitably leads to . But it was good while it lasted though, wasn't it? So will it work? I mean, assuming no xxx and their self-righteous idealism steps in to ruin my perfectly cynical here. There has to be a woman somewhere who understands what I'm talking about. I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks. I know this is retarded. I don't need you to tell me. I'm looking for someone who wants to lunch with me and discuss the subject of how we can turn this frown upside down and enjoy just a fraction of our mundane lives long enough to get that in our gonads. We could be friends. We don't necessarily need to fuck in the first hour of meeting to be friends, maybe we could just be friends and xxx day it just happens and after we'll lay there and say to each other, "so that's what it feels like". There's something to be said about sexual chemistry between friends. You know, the kind that leads to frustration and masturbation to the thought of each other when not together. Yeah, you've felt that before, but knew it would never happen because well, your life sucks....cheating is soooo wrong, blah, blah, blah. Well now we don't really care, do we? We're willing to give it a chance now because we're like, fuck it. How much worse could it possibly get? Besides, we've got a free get-out-of-cheating pass and it's our turn now. Chemistry implies attraction, which is important. I know what I like in a woman, but that isn't easy to put into words. I like subtle imperfection. I like vulnerability. I like non-conformity. Race and age are irrelevant but it would be good if we're around the same age because people of my generation are awesome and you'll understand my references and tastes in music and . Your gets mine, which is only fair because well....this is my ad and you know the reason I can't put my on here. So reply with yours and match my level of self-expression in what you write to accompany it and if I like what I see, I will reply in kind. 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